Oh, God...why, why, WHY did I ever let myself get hyped up for Power Rangers Samurai!? Why did I fall for the trap of raised expectations, and worse still, why did I let myself get suckered in by the facade of nostalgia? Why did I ever think Power Rangers Samurai was going to be any good?
Actually, a better question: how will I purge this completely horrific piece of shit from my mind?
For those of you who have no bloody idea what I'm talking about, allow me to elucidate. Tonight was the series premiere of technically the 19th season of Power Rangers, based on Samurai Sentai Shinkenger and back under the seemingly loving care of Saban (after 8 seasons of Disneyfication). Ever since Saban bought Power Rangers back, I'd gone through every stage imaginable regarding the prospects of a new Power Rangers series based on Shinkenger, including phases of uncertainty, dread, resignation, and finally hopeful anticipation. As the series got closer to premiering and more information came out, I liked what I saw. I even got suckered in by nostalgic moves, such as bringing back the beloved character of Bulk from the first 6 seasons. I even marked today's premiere on the calendar, ready to pounce over to Nickelodeon as soon as it came on.
This could have been the biggest mistake of my life.
Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Shinkenger, and I haven't even gotten to do my reviews of it yet. But as much as I loved the characters, storylines, and devices of Shinkenger, I ABHOR...no, that's not strong enough a word. I FUCKING HATE POWER RANGERS SAMURAI WITH THE INTENSITY OF 10 SEPTILLION BLUE SUPERGIANTS. As hilarious and serious as Shinkenger was, this pitiful excuse for a show is beyond terrible. It is the most rancid, liquidous shit I have ever had the misfortune of being forced to ingest.
"But Shadowbird," you may say, "you weren't forced to watch this. You watched it of your own volition!" And you would be correct, except I didn't force myself to watch this show thinking it would suck the soul out of me. I watched it under the expectation that it would be an adaptation not only worthy of the name Power Rangers but worthy of Shinkenger itself. Instead, from the first moments of the show proper, I was screaming at the television, "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!?"
The reason for this is because for a premiere episode, this was not an introductory episode. There was no building the team, no introduction of the villains, no explanation of everything. They jumped straight into about the second or third episode, relative to Shinkenger. And while the intro credits were pretty good, afterward, we go even further down the rabbit hole.
I won't go through the episode in depth, as I didn't think to document this act of first-degree murder, but I will enumerate all the things that either pissed me off or inordinately depressed me.
- Again, we're thrown into the fire with no explanation why. The team is just...there, training under their master Ji. The personalities are kinda...sorta...almost correct, but not. The "lord" is by far the most off, as he doesn't have the same...regal bearing as his Sentai counterpart Takeru.
- Bulk and Spike. Two things bothered me about this. 1) Why is Bulk there? The scene with him and his "nephew" Spike has no set-up and no pay-off within the episode's story. Secondly, I have a very bad feeling, by his demeanor and clothing, that Spike will end up being the Gold Ranger. Which is an insult to Genta, ShinkenGold. Bulk's appearance was pointless fan-service, playing to the nostalgia of Power Rangers fans like myself.
- The villains. Oh, dear Primus, the villains. Serious, dark, and foreboding in Shinkenger. Silly, light, and annoying in Samurai. Even the wise advisor character now sounds and acts like Finster from Mighty Morphin. And to make matters worse, you know how much of their motivations we know? Not even a strange quark's worth. No explanation. No point. *sliding facepalm*
- The transformation sequences. Where to begin...well, how about I break this one even further down?
- Go Go Samurai. *insert primal scream of infinite rage here* WHAT THE FLYING-ON-ONE-BURNING-ENGINE FUCK KIND OF MORPHING CALL IS THAT!? THIS ISN'T FUCKING INSPECTOR GADGET! IT'S POWER RANGERS! EVEN THE CHEESIEST POWER RANGERS MORPHING CALLS WERE BETTER THAN THIS! PUT SOME FUCKING EFFORT INTO THIS SHIT, FOR FUCKING OUT LOUD! Here, I'll give you a better one for free: "Samurai Spirit, Bushido!"
- Costume sidenote: the transformation sequence has the Rangers donning a ninja-style mask before the helmet comes on. A ninja mask. In a samurai-based show. And I thought Disney not allowing the Ninja Storm Rangers to use shuriken was fail...
- MegaMonsters and "Megamode" for the Zords. Why do you need a new suit design for the Zords; you never had one before in all of Power Rangers, and there wasn't one in Shinkenger! The only good thing here is the redesigned sword controller, which looks cool...but isn't the same as Shinkenger's.
I've cried more than once just thinking about this show. I've wished there was liquor in the house so I can drown away this nightmarish, demon-spawned crock of shit. Nickelodeon and Saban now owe me 30 minutes of my life, and sadly, I know I will never, ever get it back. And now...a part of my soul has been permanently destroyed. I can no longer enjoy Power Rangers without thinking of this, and my love of Sentai might end up suffering as a result as well. I will never watch another official Power Rangers product again, and I'm debating if I want to include Linkara's History of Power Rangers in that ban out of pure spite for what has become of the once-beloved franchise. I know I'm going to have nightmares, and I doubt I could wash the filth away even if I scrubbed myself into a bloody pulp.
Moving forward, I feel like the last survivor of a horror flick: lucky that I somehow managed to survive, but still permanently scarred in body and in mind. When a show is so terrible that you are seriously pondering trepanation to purge the damaged parts of your brain from your skull, you know something has gone horribly wrong. Saban, Nickelodeon, for the sake of Power Rangers fans the world over...how DARE you treat fans this way! This is a fail of infinitely higher proportion than Masked Rider; this is a fail on the level of 4Kids! You are guilty of the murder of one great show and one once-great franchise. May you forever freeze in the 9th Level of Hell for this treachery.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go chug down an entire bottle of mouthwash...
Ok first...6 words:
ReplyDeleteTARGET AUDIENCE: 7 year old kids.
While I agree with you for the most part, I enjoyed the episode for what it is, a throwback to the original season, and if you think about it the show being this way is all our fault, did you check the facebook power rangers page? At least more than half of the people there repeated infinitely WE WANT THE ORIGINALS WHAT IS THIS SAMURAI SHIT WE WANT MMPR! And...well I guess we got what we wanted.
And besides all the bad stuff, I still found myself enjoying the episode, the puns weren't cringe worthy and the bad acting was funny.
What I mean is that this is one of those cases of so bad series i'ts good...At least that's what I think.
Looking back at Samurai with a little distance, there are some things that have changed. Even so, I still can't stand this series. But allow me to mention my amendments that I've thought of since this admittedly over-the-top obliteration:
ReplyDelete1) Demographics. Little kids and nostalgics. In some ways, it succeeded, but ultimately it still failed because of generational shifts. Saban didn't pick up where they left off. They regressed, essentially ignoring any growth the series had over the 17 seasons before MMPR 2.0.
2) The nostalgia effect would have worked if they'd given us something we hadn't seen before. Saban should not be a stranger to this, as one of the characters that they screwed up in the name of Nostalgia (Bulk) underwent a tremendous amount of growth under THEIR WATCH. Again, there was no progression relative to any of the prior series. They went back to 1993. This is 2011.
3) Admittedly, there are a good number of problems (such as the relationships between the team members and the intro of Bulk and Spike) that could have been easily fixed had Nick not decided to Firefly this series. We missed an incredible amount of necessary info (the motivations of the villains, for example) because of the missing 2 episodes.
4) Despite all this, there remain critical flaws that have no justification whatsoever. If they were going the nostalgic route, they still could have done much better than "Go-Go Samurai." And considering the historical relationship between ninja and samurai, having them wear ninja masks in the transformation sequence is still unconscionable.
As to the point of people wanting this to be the new MMPR: not all of us did. Even setting aside my bias toward Shinkenger, I wanted Saban to pick up at least where /they/ left off. I wanted a series that was a reintroduction for those who hadn't ever watched the series and an homage (with progression) to those who had. We who watched the original MMPR in the 1990s aren't kids anymore. We are in our 20s and 30s now, and our tastes have changed; we are not the same as we were then. If Saban wanted to through us a bone, they least they could have done is acknowledge not only the maturation of the nostalgic demographic, but the maturation of the franchise itself.
This is not a series I would be willing to show my children, if/when I have any. Would I should them earlier seasons of Power Rangers? Absolutely. But unless they manage to find a way in future seasons to pull another In Space-like renaissance out of their hats, Saban has killed the future of Power Rangers for me.
I hold to my final assessment: this season far surpasses Turbo, Jungle Fury, AND Masked Rider for ineptitude. It's not so bad, it's good. It's so awful, it's sickening. And that's even trying to consider it on its own; when you factor Shinkenger back into it, it's worse still.
Additional note: my girlfriend, who was looking to become a fan of Power Rangers after having watched Shinkenger with me, had watched the original MMPR back in 1993 and loved it. After watching the "first" ep of Samurai, she has no inclination to watch any Power Rangers or show it to our kids, at least not of her own volition. If I were to watch In Space or Time Force with our kids, she'd sit down and watch it with me, but otherwise, no. We both found the villain of Samurai COMPLETELY non-threatening, which is an epic fail even for comedic villains. For Saban to have taken a great series like Shinkenger and have turned it into "an utter piece of crap" (quote: my girlfriend) says to her that they overlooked the great potential that this season had and instead gave us what Facebook trolls wanted.
ReplyDeleteyeah i thought power rangers samurai was a disapointment after saban got the rights back
ReplyDelete